Call instead of texting when a chat runs long
When texts turn into paragraphs, ask to call. Open with why you called, like “Okay, I need the interview story,” then ask about it.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Call instead of texting
When a text chat runs long, call: say why you called, then ask about it.
When texts turn into paragraphs, or a story is too good to type, call. Text “This needs a call. Can you talk?” first, or just call. When they pick up, say why you called, straight from the chat, then ask about it: “Okay, I need the interview story. What was so weird?” A “lol” back keeps you both typing.
Listen
“ok so the interview was SO weird, I have to tell you”
Listen
Not this: lol what happened
This: Wait, I need to hear this. Can I call you?
When someone texts a story that keeps going
Wednesday night, twenty minutes into texting Jenna
Listen
Jennaok wait there’s more. so my sister calls me from the airport and she’s at the WRONG AIRPORT
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What would you say?
Listen
Haha stop, save it for when I see you!
Listen
😂😂 no. then what
Listen
Okay, this needs a call. Can I call you?
Listen
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
Compare the two replies
“ok so the interview was SO weird, I have to tell you”
Listen
Not this: lol what happened
This: Wait, I need to hear this. Can I call you?
What does the second reply do that the first doesn’t?
Listen
It asks a question.
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It changes the subject.
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It moves the story to a call.
Listen
When you call someone about their trip
Sunday, you call Sadie after an hour of texting about her trip to Portugal next month
Listen
SadieHey! Okay, this is way easier.
Listen
Sadie picked up. What do you say first?
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Okay, tell me the Portugal plan. Where are you going first?
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Right? The Portugal texts were getting so long.
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Hey! So, what’s up?
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When you call someone about their new place
RobHey! What’s up, everything good?
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You: All good! I just had to hear how the move went. How’s the new place?
You call Rob after texting about his move. Does your first line say why you called?
Listen
Doesn’t say why
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Says why
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When you call someone about their half marathon
MaddieHi! Oh wow, a phone call. Is everything okay?
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You: Haha yeah, all good! Just calling.
You call Maddie after texting about her first half marathon. Does your first line say why you called?
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Doesn’t say why
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Says why
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When someone has typed four paragraphs about a date
Joelok I’ve typed like four paragraphs about this date lol
Listen
Finish your reply to Joel.
Listen
Ha, four paragraphs, keep going, I’m reading.
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Ha, four paragraphs, can I call you? I want to hear the whole thing.
Listen
Ha, four paragraphs, we should talk about it sometime.
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When you call someone about their job offer
AmyHey you! Okay, I was not expecting a call.
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You call Amy after texting about her job offer. Say why you called, then ask about it.
Listen
One way to reply
- Add something about youI had to hear about the job offer.
- Ask them a questionAre you taking it?
Why you called, then a question about it: Amy knows the call is about her job offer, and it’s her turn to talk.
Listen
Lines to leave out
- Sorry, is this weird? Amy sounds happy you called. An apology makes the call about the call. Start with the reason.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - So what’s new with you? You called about the job offer. A general question leaves it behind.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
What the research found
Calls bonded people more than typing did, with old friends and with strangers, and were no more awkward.
Your mission
Next time a text chat with a friend keeps going, ask to call, and start the call with the thing you were texting about.
In the Connsmitten app
A practice conversation with Kelsey follows this lesson’s questions.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?