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The research behind the lessons

The published study each lesson cites, and what it found, in plain words.

Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.

Each lesson teaches one thing to say in a conversation people often get stuck in. It gives the rule, shows a weaker reply beside a better one, and has you pick or build replies yourself. Every answer comes with a note on why it works or doesn’t.

We count first answers from each learner’s first completion of a lesson and from practice questions new to them. Repeating a completed lesson or answering a practice question already seen adds no answers. Each version of a question has its own total, published after at least 100 learners have answered. These counts do not measure improvement. Public totals contain no names or individual answers.

  1. Strangers who took turns opening up liked each other more than pairs who talked in long one-sided stretches.
    Sprecher and Treger, Personal Relationships, 2015Answer “How are you?” with a detail and a question
  2. People who shared more about themselves were liked more, and sharing invites the other person to share back.
    Collins and Miller, Psychological Bulletin, 1994Be more interesting to talk to: give one specific detail
  3. People who asked more follow-up questions were liked more by the people they talked to.
    Huang et al., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2017Keep a conversation going with follow-up questions
  4. In bar experiments, plain openers did better than cute, canned lines, which drew the most negative reactions.
    Cunningham, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1989Start a conversation with a stranger from what you both see
  5. People who talked more, up to 70% of the time, were liked more, and their partners enjoyed the talk just as much.
    Hirschi, Wilson and Gilbert, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2022Talk to someone who doesn’t talk much by sharing first
  6. Leaders with moderate assertiveness were rated most effective. Too little got less done, and too much hurt their relationships.
    Ames and Flynn, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2007Get a word in with someone who talks too much
  7. People who expected to be rejected acted colder, and were accepted less because of it.
    Stinson et al., Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2009Stay warm when someone seems uninterested
  8. Acknowledging the other side early in a disagreement kept it from escalating and made people more persuasive.
    Yeomans et al., Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 2020Stand by your choice when someone judges it
  9. Sharing a laugh made people feel more alike, and closer for it.
    Kurtz and Algoe, Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 2017Respond to a joke by adding to it
  10. People afraid of rejection thought their hints showed more interest than they did.
    Vorauer, Cameron, Holmes and Pearce, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2003Ask someone out with a plan and a day
  11. In speed dating, people who liked one partner more than the rest were liked back; people who liked everyone were liked less.
    Eastwick, Finkel, Mochon and Ariely, Psychological Science, 2007Give a personal compliment from something they said
  12. Playful flirting and sincere flirting both went with more dating success.
    Hall, Carter, Cody and Albright, Communication Quarterly, 2010Flirt with humor, then say one thing you mean
  13. Saying plainly that you were interested made a partner more sure of you, and more drawn to you, than staying vague.
    Birnbaum et al., Computers in Human Behavior, 2018Have the “what are we” talk by saying what you want
  14. After talking with someone new, people underestimated how much the other person liked them.
    Boothby et al., Psychological Science, 2018Ask a new friend to hang out with a plan they can say yes to
  15. Personal comments from close friends lifted people’s well-being; one-click likes didn’t.
    Burke and Kraut, Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 2016Reply to a funny reel with your favorite part
  16. Enthusiastic replies to good news built trust, with strangers and in close relationships.
    Reis et al., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2010Respond to good news by asking for the story
  17. Calls bonded people more than typing did, with old friends and with strangers, and were no more awkward.
    Kumar and Epley, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 2021Call instead of texting when a chat runs long
  18. Across 23 studies, comfort that acknowledged and explored feelings worked better than comfort that skipped past them.
    High and Dillard, Communication Studies, 2012Help someone through a hard time: start with how they feel
  19. People rated a friend’s advice better, and more likely to be used, when comfort and questions came first.
    Feng, Communication Research, 2014Respond to a friend venting: say how it feels, then ask
  20. Advice placed where it seemed asked for came across as more considerate.
    Goldsmith, Communication Monographs, 2000Give a friend advice they want by asking first

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How to talk to people