Get a word in with someone who talks too much
If someone who talks a lot cuts into your story, don’t wait for a long pause. When they stop for a breath, react in a few words, then finish yours.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Take your turn
React in a few words, then finish your own point.
Someone who talks a lot usually means well, but the long pause you’re waiting for may never come. When they stop for a breath, take a full turn: react in a few words to what they said, then finish your own point, the news you had or the story they cut into. “Anyway, it was fine” drops your story. Finish it.
Listen
“Wait, you went to the lake? I went last summer and got the worst sunburn of my life. I was peeling for a week.”
Listen
Not this: Ouch, a whole week. Anyway, it was fine.
This: Ouch, a whole week. So, the lake: we rented kayaks for the first time.
When a coworker cuts in on your news
Wednesday, walking back to your desks, telling a coworker about your exam
Listen
MarissaOh, your exam! Okay, speaking of exams, I still have every flashcard from college. Hundreds, in a shoebox. I can’t throw them out, and I don’t even know why.
Listen
What would you say?
Listen
Ha, of course you kept them. Okay, so my exam? I passed!
Listen
Hundreds? Okay, now I need to know what’s on them.
Listen
Ha, I keep everything too. So yeah, the exam went fine.
Listen
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
Compare the two replies
“Wait, you went to the lake? I went last summer and got the worst sunburn of my life. I was peeling for a week.”
Listen
Not this: Ouch, a whole week. Anyway, it was fine.
This: Ouch, a whole week. So, the lake: we rented kayaks for the first time.
What does the second reply do that the first doesn’t?
Listen
It finishes your story after a few words on theirs.
Listen
It reacts to their sunburn.
Listen
It changes the subject from their sunburn back to you.
Listen
When a relative jumps to their own story
GinaWait, you’re coming home in December? Oh my gosh, okay, so our grandparents just discovered voice notes, and now I get four a day. All about the weather.
Listen
You: Ha, that’s adorable. But yes, I’m home the whole week of the 20th!
Does this reply take your turn?
Listen
Gives it up
Listen
Takes it
Listen
When a friend jumps in with their own plans
TylerOh, Friday! I’m off Friday, did I tell you? I’m finally getting a haircut. It’s been eight months.
Listen
You: Eight months? Okay, what are you getting?
Does this reply take your turn?
Listen
Gives it up
Listen
Takes it
Listen
When your date cuts in on your answer
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A second date, a walk after dinner
Listen
OliviaOh, design? My roommate’s a designer, and she redoes our living room every few months. We’ve had four couches this year.
Listen
Olivia asked what you do, then cut in on your answer. What do you say?
Listen
Ha, four! That’s a lot of couches.
Listen
Four couches, that’s commitment. And I design packaging, like the box your phone came in.
Listen
Anyway, like I was saying, I design packaging, like the box your phone came in.
Listen
A second date, a walk after dinner
Listen
DominicOh, design? I designed shirts for my trivia team once. Mine lost the vote to a stick figure my buddy drew on a napkin.
Listen
Dominic asked what you do, then cut in on your answer. What do you say?
Listen
A napkin, that’s brutal. And I design packaging, like the box your phone came in.
Listen
Ha, a stick figure! Your buddy’s an artist.
Listen
Anyway, like I was saying, I design packaging, like the box your phone came in.
Listen
When someone cuts in on your update in a meeting
HectorQuick thing before you go on. The vendor for the survey called me twice yesterday, and the second time was just to say they’d call back later. Anyway.
Listen
On a team call, Hector cut in on your update. Finish your turn.
Listen
Ha, a call about a call. Okay, so the results are in, and most people picked the shorter form.
Listen
Ha, a call about a call. Okay, so did they ever actually call back?
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Ha, a call about a call. Okay, so I’ll just drop my update in the chat after this so we can keep going.
Listen
When a friend texts back with their own story
Andrewait you got a car?? ok so my first car had a broken radio, and I sang to myself with the windows down all summer 😂
Listen
React in a few words to what Andre said, then finish your news.
Listen
One way to reply
- React to what they said😂 windows down, full volume.
- Add something about youSo yes, a used one, and now I can finally drive up to see you.
A laugh at the windows-down summer, then your news, finished: the car, and a visit. Andre has something big to answer.
Listen
Lines to leave out
- Wait, what were you singing? A fun question, and it sends Andre back to his summer. Ask it once he’s reacted to your news.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - Anyway, never mind, it’s not a big deal. “Never mind” takes back news you were glad to share. Leave it out, and finish the news instead.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - Can I finish lol Even with the “lol,” it makes the interruption the topic. Leave it out: a few words on his story get you back to yours more warmly.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
What the research found
Leaders with moderate assertiveness were rated most effective. Too little got less done, and too much hurt their relationships.
Your mission
Next time someone cuts in while you’re telling them something, react in a few words when they pause, then finish what you were saying.
In the Connsmitten app
A practice conversation with Kevin follows this lesson’s questions.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?