Small talk
Lessons for getting small talk past the first line, from answering “How are you?” to talking with someone who barely says a word.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Lessons
- Answer “How are you?” with a detail and a question
Answer with something specific, then ask them something back.
Sprecher and Treger, Personal Relationships, 2015 - Be more interesting to talk to: give one specific detail
Give one specific detail they can ask about.
Collins and Miller, Psychological Bulletin, 1994 - Keep a conversation going with follow-up questions
Ask about something they just said.
Huang et al., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2017 - Start a conversation with a stranger from what you both see
Start with something you both can see or share, then add an opinion or a question.
Cunningham, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1989 - Talk to someone who doesn’t talk much by sharing first
Share one specific thing about you, then ask about the same thing.
Hirschi, Wilson and Gilbert, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2022 - Get a word in with someone who talks too much
React in a few words, then finish your own point.
Ames and Flynn, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2007 - Stay warm when someone seems uninterested
Stay warm and ask a short question, even when they give you little.
Stinson et al., Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2009 - Stand by your choice when someone judges it
Say what’s fair in their point, then keep yours.
Yeomans et al., Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 2020 - Ask a new friend to hang out with a plan they can say yes to
Ask with one thing to do and a day.
Boothby et al., Psychological Science, 2018
How to talk to people
- How to answer “How’s it going?”
- How to answer “How have you been?”
- How to answer “How’s work going?”
- How to answer “How was your day?”
- How to answer “How was your night?”
- How to answer “How was your trip?”
- What to say when someone says “Welcome back”
- Conversation starters with strangers
- How to make small talk at a party
- How to make small talk at the gym
- How to answer “What are you up to?”
- How to answer “What do you do for fun?”
- How to answer “What’s new with you?”
- How to answer “Where are you from?”
- How not to run out of things to say
- Follow-up questions for someone you just met
- What to say when someone shares good news
- How to answer “How was your weekend?”
- How to make small talk at work
- How to answer “What do you do?”
- Texts and messages
- Supporting someone
- Dating
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?