Ask a new friend to hang out with a plan they can say yes to
When you click with someone new, name one thing to do and a day, like coffee Saturday morning. They can say yes, or offer a day that works better.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Ask a new friend to hang out
Ask with one thing to do and a day.
When you click with someone new, “We should hang out sometime” feels safe, and it gives them no plan to say yes to. Ask with one thing to do and a day: “Want to get coffee Saturday morning?” They can say yes, or offer a day that works better. Once they say yes, swap numbers so you can settle the time and place by text.
Listen
“Okay, I have to run. This was fun!”
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Not this: Yeah! We should hang out sometime.
This: Same! Want to get coffee Saturday morning?
When someone you just met texts to hang out again
Sunday, a text from Nora, who you met at a housewarming last night
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NoraSo fun meeting you! We have to hang out again 😊
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What would you say?
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Definitely! When are you free?
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Yes! We should!
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Yes! Want to get brunch next Sunday?
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Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
Compare the two replies
“Okay, I have to run. This was fun!”
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Not this: Yeah! We should hang out sometime.
This: Same! Want to get coffee Saturday morning?
What does the second reply add?
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A place to meet.
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More excitement.
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One thing to do and a day.
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When a coworker wants to play a board game you know
SeanYou’re the first person at work who’s heard of this board game. I’ve been dying to play it.
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You: Same! We should play sometime.
Does this reply name one thing to do and a day?
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Missing one
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Names both
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When someone likes the same band you do
KateWait, you like them too? Nobody I know has even heard of that band.
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You: They’re playing downtown on the 14th. Want to go?
Does this reply name one thing to do and a day?
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Missing one
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Names both
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When a coworker asks if you’ve tried a new restaurant
Monday, the break room at work
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OmarHave you tried the new Thai place yet? I keep hearing about it.
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Which reply makes a plan with Omar?
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Not yet! Let me know if it’s any good.
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Not yet! Want to try it for lunch on Wednesday?
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Not yet! Want to go sometime? I’ve been meaning to try it.
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When someone says “This was so much fun”
JillThis was so much fun. I haven’t laughed like that in ages.
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Say it was fun, then ask with one thing and a day.
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One way to reply
- React to what they saidSame, I needed that.
- Ask them a questionWant to go to the comedy show on Friday?
You agree it was fun, then ask with the comedy show and Friday. Jill only has to say yes.
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Lines to leave out
- No pressure if you’re busy, though! It takes the ask back before Jill has answered. She can say she’s busy on her own.
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Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - Want to do this again sometime? There’s no day in “sometime,” and the comedy show on Friday already says when.
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Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
When someone says yes and asks what time
Leaving a wedding, where you met Paul and asked him to play tennis on Saturday
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PaulSaturday works! What time?
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Paul said yes. What do you say?
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Great! How’s 10? What’s your number? I’ll text you the court.
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Cool. Morning? Afternoon? Whatever works for you.
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Awesome, see you Saturday!
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What the research found
After talking with someone new, people underestimated how much the other person liked them.
Your mission
Text someone you’ve clicked with lately, and suggest one thing to do and a day.
In the Connsmitten app
A practice conversation with Megan follows this lesson’s questions.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?