Answer “How are you?” with a detail and a question
Swap “Fine, you?” for one thing from your week, like a friend visiting, and a question back, so you both have news to trade.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Bounce it back
Answer with something specific, then ask them something back.
When someone asks you a question, they’re offering you a turn. Take it with one specific thing they can grab, then hand the turn back with a question. No good answer? Say what you were doing instead. “Not really” is a wall, even with “you?” on the end. Add what you were up to and it’s a door.
Listen
“Seen anything good lately?”
Listen
Not this: Not really. You?
This: Not really, I’ve been packing every night. I move this weekend. What are you watching?
How to answer “How’s it going?”
Bounce it back
BrianHey, how’s it going?
Listen
You: Not bad. Busy.
Does this reply keep the conversation going?
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Ends it
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Keeps it going
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Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
How to answer “How was your night?”
Bounce it back
MoniqueHow was the concert last night?
Listen
Build the reply: react to what they said, add something about you, then ask them a question.
Listen
One way to reply
- React to what they saidSo loud, and so good.
- Add something about youThey played the whole first album.
- Ask them a questionHave you ever seen them live?
How it was, one detail, then a question. Monique gets something to ask about and a turn to take.
Listen
Lines to leave out
- It was fine. “It was fine” undersells a night out and gives Monique nothing to ask about. Leave it out.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - I’m so tired today. That moves to how you feel today. Stay on the concert, the thing Monique asked about.
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Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
Plant a hook
Plant a hook: Give one specific detail they can ask about.
TeresaWhat did you end up doing last night?
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You: I helped my brother put a crib together. His baby is due next month.
Does this reply keep the conversation going?
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Ends it
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Keeps it going
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How to answer “How have you been?”
Bounce it back
A text from a friend you haven’t talked to in months
Listen
KristenHey stranger! How have you been?
Listen
Which reply bounces it back?
Listen
Good, busy! Mostly work and the usual stuff. How about you?
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Good! You?
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Good! I joined a Tuesday volleyball league, and my team is terrible. What’s new with you?
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Bounce it back
HeatherOh my gosh, hi! How have you been?
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You: Good! I switched jobs in the spring. I’m at the library downtown now. Are you still at the clinic?
Does this reply keep the conversation going?
Listen
Ends it
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Keeps it going
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How to answer “How’s work going?”
Bounce it back
A family dinner
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PatrickHow’s work going?
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Which answer bounces it back?
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Same old, same old.
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Busy. We’re training three new people, so I answer the same questions all day. How’s yours going?
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Busy, but I can’t complain. It’s been a lot lately, you know how it goes. How about you?
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What to say when someone says “Welcome back”
Bounce it back
Your first day back at work after a week off
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VanessaYou’re back! How was the time off?
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Which answer bounces it back?
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Good! I finally cleared out the garage. Did I miss anything here?
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Too fast. I cleared out the garage and found a box of my old school photos.
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Good. It went by way too fast. How’s it been here?
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How to answer “How was your trip?”
Bounce it back
NicoleHow was the road trip?
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Finish the answer so it bounces back.
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Great. We drove up the coast and stopped at every lookout. Have you ever done that drive?
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Great. We drove up the coast and it was beautiful. Have you ever done that drive?
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Great. We drove up the coast and stopped at every lookout, so it took nine hours.
Listen
How to answer “How was your day?”
Bounce it back
JasonHey, you’re home. How was your day?
Listen
You: Long. I got double-booked at three and had to skip a meeting. How was yours?
Does this reply keep the conversation going?
Listen
Ends it
Listen
Keeps it going
Listen
What the research found
Strangers who took turns opening up liked each other more than pairs who talked in long one-sided stretches.
Your mission
Next time someone asks how you are, answer with something specific and ask them something back.
In the Connsmitten app
A practice conversation with Dan follows this lesson’s questions.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?