How to keep a conversation going on a first date
Ask about what they just told you, and give them details to ask about too. Practice replies written for a date with a woman or a man.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Take their hook: Ask about something they just said.
Take their hook
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A first date, a walk after dinner
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BrookeI spent last year teaching English in Seoul. I miss it more than I thought I would.
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Which reply takes her hook?
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I’ve always wanted to go to Korea.
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What do you miss most about it?
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What do you do now?
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A first date, a walk after dinner
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AndyI spent the summer rebuilding an old motorcycle with my dad. It finally runs.
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Which reply takes his hook?
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What do you do for work?
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It runs! What was the hardest part to fix?
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I don’t know anything about motorcycles.
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Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
When you first meet up
Open with what’s there
Open with what’s there: Start with something you both can see or share, then add an opinion or a question.
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A first date, a busy restaurant
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JennyHi! Sorry, I didn’t know it would be this loud in here.
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Which reply opens with what’s there?
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No, it’s fine!
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No worries at all! Tell me about yourself. What do you do?
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It’s packed! Want the window table? It looks quieter.
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A first date, a busy restaurant
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EricHey! Wow, it’s packed in here.
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Which reply opens with what’s there?
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Yeah. Tell me about yourself. What do you do for work?
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It’s packed! Want the window table? It looks quieter.
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Yeah, it is.
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When they ask about your week
Bounce it back
Bounce it back: Answer with something specific, then ask them something back.
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A first date, a coffee shop near the park
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RebeccaOkay, tell me about your week. Was it a good one?
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A first date, a coffee shop near the park
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BrandonSo how was your week?
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Which answer bounces it back?
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Long. Work has been nonstop, and my manager keeps moving every deadline, so I’ve barely slept.
Rebecca hears a lot, all of it heavy, with no turn for her. Keep one detail, then ask about her week.
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A lot of detail, all of it complaints, and nowhere for Brandon to come in. Keep one detail, then ask about his week.
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Long, but good. My best friend got engaged on Saturday, and I’m already helping plan the party. How was yours?
The engagement gives Rebecca something to ask about, and asking about her week tells her you want to hear it too.
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Brandon can ask about the engagement or the party, and the question back gives him a turn to talk about his own week.
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Pretty good! Yours?
“Pretty good” leaves Rebecca nothing to follow, and “Yours?” makes her carry the date.
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“Pretty good” leaves Brandon nothing to follow, and “Yours?” puts the whole date on him.
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When they ask what you do for fun
Plant a hook
Plant a hook: Give one specific detail they can ask about.
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
LindsayI’ve been trying to get out more on weekends. What do you like to do for fun?
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ScottSo what’s your thing? Everyone has a thing.
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Finish your answer so they have something to ask about.
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Lately I’ve been pretty busy with work.
Work answers a different question. Lindsay asked about fun, so name one thing you do for it.
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Work answers a different question. Scott asked what you do for fun, so name one thing.
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Lately I’ve been into a lot of different things, honestly. I like trying new stuff.
Saying “a lot of different things” leaves Lindsay to guess which one to ask about. Pick one and name it.
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Saying “a lot of different things” leaves Scott guessing which one to ask about. Pick one and name it.
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Lately I’ve been doing the crossword every morning. Last week I finished one without help.
Lindsay gets an easy question, how long it took, and room to tell you how her weekends are going.
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Scott gets an easy question, how long it took, and a way into telling you his own thing.
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Mini golf for a first date? Fun, but isn’t that kind of a kid thing? Mini golf for a first date? What are we, twelve?
Sorry, I just talked about my little sister’s soccer games for ten minutes. Sorry, I just spent ten minutes on why my soccer team is cursed.
Okay, that’s my third ball in the water. I’m so bad at this. For the record, I was my family’s mini golf champion. Three years running.
I was so nervous about tonight. I changed my shirt three times. Confession: I practiced all week so I wouldn’t embarrass myself tonight.
What the research found
People who asked more follow-up questions were liked more by the people they talked to.
Your mission
In your next conversation, pick up one specific thing the other person mentions and ask about it before you bring up anything new.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
How to talk to people
- How to answer “How was your weekend?”
- How to make small talk at work
- Dating
- Answer “How are you?” with a detail and a question
- Start a conversation with a stranger from what you both see
- Be more interesting to talk to: give one specific detail
- Keep a conversation going with follow-up questions
- When your date teases the plan you picked
- When your date says sorry for talking so long
- On a first date at mini golf
- When your date says they were nervous