Give a personal compliment from something they said
“You seem fun” fits any date. Build the compliment from something they told you, so it’s about them and no one else.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Give compliments that feel personal
Say what you like about them, from something they said.
“You seem fun” could be said to anyone, so it lands like small talk. Interest feels good when it’s clearly about this person. So take something they just told you and say what you like about it. You don’t need a clever line, only their story and what you liked in it.
Listen
“I spent my whole Saturday fixing my neighbor’s fence.”
Listen
Not this: That’s so nice. You seem like a good person.
This: Your whole Saturday on someone else’s fence? I like that about you.
When your date says sorry for talking so long
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A first date, a bookstore café
Listen
MiaSorry, I just talked about my little sister’s soccer games for ten minutes.
Listen
What would you say?
Listen
No, you’re so fun to talk to!
Listen
Ha, it’s fine. So what do you do for work?
Listen
Don’t be sorry. I love how you talk about your sister.
Listen
A first date, a bookstore café
Listen
MaxSorry, I just spent ten minutes on why my soccer team is cursed.
Listen
What would you say?
Listen
No, you’re so fun to talk to!
Listen
Ha, it’s fine. So what do you do for work?
Listen
Don’t be sorry. You still root for them after all that? I love that.
Listen
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
Compare the two replies
“I spent my whole Saturday fixing my neighbor’s fence.”
Listen
Not this: That’s so nice. You seem like a good person.
This: Your whole Saturday on someone else’s fence? I like that about you.
Why does the second reply land better?
Listen
It gives them a bigger compliment.
Listen
It asks them a question back.
Listen
It’s about their fence.
Listen
When they tell you about something they’re proud of
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
RubyMy aunt taught me to sew, so now I fix everyone’s jackets at work.
Listen
You: You’re really easy to talk to.
Could this reply only be said to her?
Listen
Anyone
Listen
Only her
Listen
ColeI rebuilt my car’s engine last summer. Took me three months.
Listen
You: Three months? I like that you stuck with it.
Could this reply only be said to him?
Listen
Anyone
Listen
Only him
Listen
When they talk about their family
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A second date, a walk in the park
Listen
EllieI called my mom on the way here. We talk every day, which my friends think is weird.
Listen
Which reply could only be said to Ellie?
Listen
I talk to my mom maybe once a month.
Listen
I like that! You’re so sweet.
Listen
Every day? I like how close you two are.
Listen
A second date, a walk in the park
Listen
EvanI coach my nephew’s basketball team on Saturdays. We haven’t won a game.
Listen
Which reply could only be said to Evan?
Listen
I was terrible at basketball as a kid.
Listen
No wins, and you keep showing up? I like that about you.
Listen
Ha, I like that. You seem like a great guy.
Listen
When they tell you about a tiring day
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
AliceI almost canceled tonight. I worked a double shift at the hospital.
Listen
Finish the line so it could only be about Alice.
Listen
I’m glad you didn’t. I like that you are so fun.
Listen
I’m glad you didn’t. I like that you still came after that shift.
Listen
I’m glad you didn’t. I like that you remind me of my best friend.
Listen
HenryI just carried a couch up four floors for my buddy.
Listen
Finish the line so it could only be about Henry.
Listen
Four floors? I like that you are so easygoing.
Listen
Four floors? I like that you remind me of my brother.
Listen
Four floors? I like that you carry couches for your friends.
Listen
What the research found
In speed dating, people who liked one partner more than the rest were liked back; people who liked everyone were liked less.
Your mission
Next time you’re talking with someone you like, tell them one thing you like about them, from something they said.
In the Connsmitten app
A practice conversation follows this lesson’s questions.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?