Flirt with humor, then say one thing you mean
Joke about what’s around you, like the mini golf course or the loud bar, never about them, then say one line you mean so they know you like them.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Flirt with a joke, then mean it
Joke about what’s around you, never the person, then say one line you mean.
A joke says you’re having fun. A line you mean says you like them. Use both. Joke about what’s around you, like the game or the place, never about them. Then say one plain line you mean. With only jokes, it stays a game. Add the line, and they know where they stand.
Listen
“Fair warning, I picked this place for the free popcorn.”
Listen
Not this: Ha, cheap date.
This: Free popcorn? You had me at free. I’m glad I said yes.
On a first date at mini golf
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A first date, mini golf
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LucyOkay, that’s my third ball in the water. I’m so bad at this.
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What would you say?
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Ha, that pond is a menace.
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Ha, this course is rigged. I’m having a great time, though.
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Wow, you really are bad at this. Want me to show you how it’s done?
Listen
A first date, mini golf
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JackFor the record, I was my family’s mini golf champion. Three years running.
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What would you say?
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This windmill would humble any champion. I’m glad we did this.
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Three years running? Then the windmill is cheating.
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Champion? You’ve hit the windmill twice.
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Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
Compare the two replies
“Fair warning, I picked this place for the free popcorn.”
Listen
Not this: Ha, cheap date.
This: Free popcorn? You had me at free. I’m glad I said yes.
What does the second reply do?
Listen
It jokes about the popcorn, then says a line you mean.
Listen
It skips the joke.
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It’s more polite.
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When your date admits something embarrassing
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
NaomiI got us lost twice on the way here. Sorry!
Listen
You: Remind me never to let you drive.
Is this joke about the situation, or the person?
Listen
The person
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The situation
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SimonI’ll be honest, I’ve never been on a climbing wall in my life.
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You: I can tell from your form.
Is this joke about the situation, or the person?
Listen
The person
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The situation
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When your date says they were nervous
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
A first date, after the movie
Listen
StellaI was so nervous about tonight. I changed my shirt three times.
Listen
What do you say to Stella?
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I can tell. I’m glad you came, though.
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Only three? I changed four times.
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Only three? I changed four times. I’m glad you came.
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A first date, a bowling alley
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MilesConfession: I practiced all week so I wouldn’t embarrass myself tonight.
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What do you say to Miles?
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A whole week? The pins don’t stand a chance. I’m glad we’re here.
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A whole week, and that’s your score? I’d ask for a refund.
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A whole week? The pins are in trouble.
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When your date’s plan goes wrong
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
EvaI can’t believe it’s pouring. I planned a whole picnic.
Listen
Joke about what’s around you, then add a line you mean.
Listen
One way to reply
- React to what they saidThe sky clearly didn’t get the invite.
- Add something about youI’m happy to be stuck inside with you.
A joke about the rain, then a line you mean. Eva laughs, and she knows you’re glad to be with her.
Listen
Lines to leave out
- Ha, so much for your planning. That joke lands on Eva’s planning. Keep it on the rain.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - Ha, yeah. A plain laugh adds nothing to the rain. The joke about the sky does more.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
IsaacI promised you a quiet bar. This is the loudest bar in the city.
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Joke about what’s around you, then add a line you mean.
Listen
One way to reply
- React to what they saidThese speakers think it’s a concert.
- Add something about youI’m having a great time anyway.
A joke about the speakers, then a line you mean. Isaac laughs, and he knows the night is going well.
Listen
Lines to leave out
- Ha, great pick. Said here, it sounds like a jab at Isaac’s pick. Keep the joke on the speakers.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - Ha, yeah. A plain laugh adds nothing to the noise. The joke about the speakers does more.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
What the research found
Playful flirting and sincere flirting both went with more dating success.
Your mission
Next time you’re flirting with someone, joke about something you’re both looking at, then say one line you mean.
In the Connsmitten app
A practice conversation follows this lesson’s questions.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?