Ask someone out with a plan and a day
“We should hang out sometime” is easy to nod along to. Ask in one sentence with a plan and a day, then let them answer.
Get comfortable talking to people. Connsmitten is an app for building social confidence through short lessons and practice conversations, with feedback from your coach.
Turn “sometime” into a date
Ask them out in one sentence, with a plan and a day, then let them answer.
When you’re afraid they’ll say no, a hint feels obvious to you. To them it sounds like you’re being friendly. So ask in one sentence, with a plan, a day, and “with me,” so they know it’s a date. Then stop talking and let them answer. “We should hang out sometime” is a maybe nobody has to answer. “Coffee with me Saturday?” is a question they can say yes to.
Listen
“That’s my stop. This was fun.”
Listen
Not this: Yeah! We should hang out sometime.
This: Same. Want to get coffee with me Saturday?
At the end of a party, before they leave
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
Friday night, the end of a friend’s housewarming
Listen
IvyI should head out. This was so fun, talking all night.
Listen
What would you say?
Listen
So, um, if you ever want to, maybe we could get coffee or something? No pressure, totally fine if not.
Listen
Want to get dinner with me on Tuesday?
Listen
Want to get coffee sometime?
Listen
Friday night, the end of a friend’s housewarming
Listen
LukeAlright, I gotta get going. Good talking to you.
Listen
What would you say?
Listen
Want to go to the night market with me on Sunday?
Listen
Want to grab dinner Sunday? Only if you’re not busy, though.
Listen
We should hang out sometime!
Listen
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?
Compare the two replies
“That’s my stop. This was fun.”
Listen
Not this: Yeah! We should hang out sometime.
This: Same. Want to get coffee with me Saturday?
What does the second reply do that the first doesn’t?
Listen
It sounds more confident.
Listen
It’s shorter.
Listen
It names a plan and a day they can say yes to.
Listen
When they mention something they want to do
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
EmmaI keep meaning to go to the outdoor movie night in the park.
Listen
You: Ha, me too. I never have anyone to go with.
Is this a clear ask?
Listen
A hint
Listen
Clear
Listen
NathanI keep meaning to try that new escape room downtown.
Listen
You: Ha, me too. You should take me sometime.
Is this a clear ask?
Listen
A hint
Listen
Clear
Listen
When they say they’re seeing someone
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
Sunday, after your volleyball league
Listen
JuliaOh, that’s sweet of you. I’m actually seeing someone.
Listen
You just asked Julia to dinner. What do you say?
Listen
Oh. Is it serious?
Listen
Got it, no worries. See you Sunday?
Listen
Oh no, I’m so embarrassed. Forget I said anything, I’m so sorry.
Listen
Sunday, after your volleyball league
Listen
AndrewHa, I’m flattered. I’m seeing someone, though.
Listen
You just asked Andrew to dinner. What do you say?
Listen
Ha, fair enough. Still on for volleyball Sunday?
Listen
Oh. Is it serious?
Listen
Oh no, I’m so embarrassed. Forget I said anything, I’m so sorry.
Listen
When you find out you were at the same show
Choose “A woman” or “A man” above to see the questions.
LenaWait, you were at that show last month too? How did we not meet?
Listen
Put together a reply that ends on an ask Lena can say yes to.
Listen
One way to reply
- React to what they saidNo way, we were both there!
- Ask them a questionWant to get dinner with me Friday?
React to her surprise, then the plan and the day. Lena knows it’s a date, and she has one question to answer.
Listen
Lines to leave out
- We should hang out sometime. This turns the ask back into a hint. The plan and the day do the asking.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - No pressure, though! It takes the ask back before Lena can answer. Ask once, then let her answer.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
LeoHold on, you were at that show last month? I was right by the stage.
Listen
Put together a reply that ends on an ask Leo can say yes to.
Listen
One way to reply
- React to what they saidNo way, so was I!
- Ask them a questionWant to go to a show with me Friday?
React to the show, then the plan and the day. Leo knows it’s a date, and he has one question to answer.
Listen
Lines to leave out
- Only if you want, though! It takes the ask back before Leo can answer. Ask once, then let him answer.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice - We should hang out sometime. This turns the ask back into a hint. The plan and the day do the asking.
Listen
Woman’s voiceMan’s voice
What the research found
People afraid of rejection thought their hints showed more interest than they did.
Your mission
Next time you want to see someone again, ask in one sentence with a plan and a day, then wait for their answer.
In the Connsmitten app
A practice conversation follows this lesson’s questions.
Build confidence for your next conversation. Take a two-minute lesson, then have your first practice conversation with Dan.
Listen to Dan open the conversation
Hey! How was your weekend?